lately
a postmodern excuse generator for the modern world
the problem
In general, people are statistically insignificant. Billions of lives are nothing but empty puppets, buffeted by the torrential winds of chaos as major events are generated by the decisions of mother nature and the powerful few. As the years pass, the struggle to maintain the delusion of control becomes both exhausting and, after some soul-seeking, decidedly pointless. You spend an hour too long wallowing in psychophilosophical self-pity and now you're late for work.
where we come in
Why not embrace the inevitable chaos the world offers and secede your dearest possession, i.e. your professional image, to the inscrutable wisdom of the random number generator? Simply log on to our service with your Microsoft Outlook account, and our AI algorithm will construct a semi-coherent message excusing your temporary absence. But that's not all:
- you never get to see the email we send for you, because just like the committe on the TPP, higher forces in our universe simply don't care whether you're in the know or not.
- just to make sure there's no funny business, we made sure the message we send won't show up in your "sent" folder either.
- the only receipt you'll get is when your boss sends in your two week's notice. Good luck!
just a taste of what you're getting
We can't guarantee what messages will be sent on your behalf. Expect your boss to receive something that isn't totally factually correct, such as these:
- Sorry for being late, I was forgiving the sins of Carly Fiorina's dubiously fictional zumba instructor.
- Sorry for being late, I was Netflix and Chilling with my mother's grandson.
- Sorry for being late, I was aggressively examining my partner's muscle spasms or intense jazz hands, I cannot tell.
happy customers
“What exactly is postmodernism, except modernism without the anxiety?” Jonathan Lethem
“Nothing exists; even if something exists, nothing can be known about it; and even if something can be known about it, knowledge about it can't be communicated to others.” Gorgias
“There are no hard distinctions between what is real and what is unreal, nor between what is true and what is false. A thing is not necessarily either true or false; it can be both true and false.” Harold Pinter
“The Postmodernists' tyranny wears people down by boredom and semi-literate prose.” Christopher Hitchens
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